Actual employee excuses for missing work?

Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.





I'm too fat to get into my work pants.





A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.





I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet.





Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.





Employee called from his cell phone, saying that he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and that nobody was around to let him out.





I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work.





Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.





Employee's wife said he couldn't come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house.





I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor.





One of the walls in the employee's home fell off the night before.





Employee's mother was in jail.





My wheelchair broke down.





God didn't wake me.





A skunk got into the employee's house and sprayed all of his uniforms.





Employee had a bad case of hiccups.





It's way too cold outside to leave the house.





It's way too nice outside to be in the office.





I had race tickets for Sunday's race, which was rained out, so they are running it today.





Employee blew his nose so hard that his back went out.





Employee's horses got loose and were running down the highway.





Employee was hit by a bus while walking.





Employee's dog swallowed her bus pass.





My house lock jammed, and I'm locked in.





Employee was sad.





My cow bit me.





Employee was spit on by a venomous snake.





Employee had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial.





Employee had to ship his grandmother's bones to India.





I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.





Employee's bus broke down and was held up by robbers.I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.





I forgot to come back to work after lunch.





I couldn't find my shoes.





I hurt myself bowling.





I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow.





My boyfriend's snake got loose and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home.





A hit man was looking for me.





The ghosts in my house kept me up all night.





My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser.





I eloped.





I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened.





My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up.





I was watching a guy fixing a septic pump, fell in the hole and hurt myself.





I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back.





My cat unplugged my alarm clock.





I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial.





I forgot what day of the week it was.





I forgot I was getting married today.





Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night.





A tree fell on my car.





I'm too drunk to drive to work.





My monkey died.





My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our backyard. His foot fell in and we can't get it out.

Actual employee excuses for missing work?
Ha ha I think every eventuality is covered. There is an excuse for everyone!! lol!








:-)))
Reply:hahahahaaa very funny!!!





Someone i work with uses the same excuse all the time:


My wife went to work and locked me in the house hahahahaha
Reply:Actually very funny. Thanks, you gave me a good laugh - I needed it as the kids have been driving me mad all evening.
Reply:Good ones Jim.
Reply:nice 1 .lol
Reply:u know that im gonna use some of them. KOOOOOOOOL!!!!
Reply:think i might try


i'm sad


or my wheelchair broke down!
Reply:ha ha ha funny
Reply:on the way to work i wanted to light a cigarette but it was too windy so i turned my back to the wind to light my cigarette. it wasn't until i got back home and put the key in the front door that i remembered that i was on my way to work and that's why I was so late.
Reply:wow maybe i should use one of those excuses
Reply:i think you should use just one of the above otherwise your employer may be come suspicious......or bored
Reply:i agree with spot
Reply:I really flushed the keys down the loo and boy oh boy was my hubby pleased with me cause he had thia big meeting and I can tell you I had to **** kreep for a very long time.
Reply:too long i am going to bed good night.
Reply:Ha ha ha ha ha





"My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser" that happened to me about a month ago, but with a hair dryer but I lied and said I was locked out of my house with my keys inside.....then when that actually happened i had to make one up :) must stop making excuses





Next time I think I'm going to use "I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious"
Reply:To long so I didn't even read it!!


I just wanted the two points!!! Thanks


%26lt;ab%26gt;
Reply:hahahahahahaha!! I actually used this one once and only once!!
Reply:the last one is definatly the best!! ha ha ha gave me a good laugh. star for u just cuz of bordum... enjoy!
Reply:I'm trapped in a cupboard





I lost bowel control and my doctor said not to go out in public





My car drove off
Reply:lol. my sister and i went to longleat. she was working evenings and was due to start work at 6. we worked it out we would have plenty of time to get her there if we left longleat at 4.30. we went in the maze - big mistake. we couldn't find our way out and needless to say she didn't get to work that day. another time i was moving my garden shed. i dismantled it and my sis was helping me move one of the panels. it slipped out of my hand and landed on her foot. ouch. she told everyone in her work i had dropped a shed on her. she forgot to say we had taken it apart first. they must have thought i was wonder woman or something to lift the whole shed lol
Reply:lol Had a friend who sneezed and put a disc out in his back - was off work for weeks.



tanning