Stupid Jokes I`ve Heards!?

what happens when you cross a singer and a rocking chair? -- you rock to the beat.





how do you mend a broken jack o lantern? -- with a pumpkin patch.





what do you call a lease of false teeth? -- a dental rental





Where did the kittens go on the class trip -- to the meow-seum.





What goes tick-tock, woof-woof? -- a watchdog





What did the art dealer say when a mann asked what a picture was supposed to be? -- a reflection of you.





what did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date? -- shore





What falls down but never gets hurt -- snow





What kind of brush do you use to comb a bee's hair? -- a honey comb





How do you get a peanut to laugh? -- you crack it up





Who greets you at a haunted house? -- a host ghost





Why did the farmer bury all his money? -- to make his soil rich





Where can you find an ocean without water? -- on a map





What do you call a horse that likes arts %26amp; crafts? -- a hobby horse





Why do shoemakers go to heaven? Because they have good soles





What do you call an avid gardener? -- herb





If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from? -- a poul-tree





What do you get when you cross a grape with a lion? -- a grape nobody picks on





What did the tree say to the mountain? -- stop peaking at me





What are sailors' favorite fruits? -- naval oranges





Where does a penguin keep his money? -- in a snow bank





What did the boy chip say to the girl chip (crisp for the brits)? -- Lets dance and I'll dip you





Why do bees have sticky hair -- they use honeycombs





Why did the reporter go into the icecream shop? -- he wanted to get the


scoop





Why was it hard for the geometry teacher to walk? -- she broke her angle





What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips? -- a chipmonk





What kind of trees sew? -- pine trees, they always have needles around





What did the plate say to the other plate? -- lunch is on me.





What did the man say whin the picture fell on his head? -- I've been framed





did you hear about the mummies who went to the theater? -- They gave the actors stage fright





How do you turn soup into gold? -- add 24 carrots (karats)





What do sneezes wear on their feet? -- ahh-shoes





What do wolves say when they are introduced? -- howl do you do.





What does a car run on? -- wheels





What did the sink say to the water faucet? -- you're a real drip





where do pigs park ther cars? -- in a porking lot





Why did the banana leave the cinema-the film didn't appeal to him





Why did the little cookie (biscut) cry? -- because his mother was a wafer so long





What do you call a hot dog in a bun? -- an in betweenie weenie





Why did the rabbit eat lunch under the sink -- He found a leek there





How do you make a witch itch? -- take away her W





What do you call two guys fighting over a prostitute? -- tug of whore


*ok, so that was mine. Just threw it in to see if you were paying attention*





What do you call a crab who plays baseball -- a pinch-hitter





What is the clumsiest bee? -- a bumbling bee





What kind of bean can't grow? -- a jelly bean





Whats green and fluffy and comes from mars -- a martian mellow





how does a man on the moon get his hair cut? -- eclipse it





What do you do when you have no rubber bands? -- find a plastic orchestra





-- -- -- -- and some old favorites -- -- -- -- -- -





What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? -- time to get a new fence





What is green, red, and runs 100 mph? -- a frog in a blender





What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? -- a dead school bus





Why did the man throw his margarine? -- he wanted to see the butter fly





What did the finger say to the thumb? -- I'm in glove with you (heather's favorite)





whats brown and sticky? -- a stick





whats red and not there -- no tomatoes





Whats white and flies through the sky? -- the coming of the lord





What do you get when you cross a turkey with a penguin? -- a very cross penguin

Stupid Jokes I`ve Heards!?
Hear about the guy who lost his whole left side in a car accident?


.


.


.


He's all right now.
Reply:nice


i liked "Why did the reporter go into the icecream shop? -- he wanted to get the scoop!!!"


:)
Reply:Very gooo














Sorry I dozed off





lol



viruses