HELP! im wanting to write a story. im 16. i need advice. is this writing style/dialogue good? be harsh/mean :)

The park was small, three sides surrounded by the backs of houses, blocked off by brown picket fences. One side faced Marigold street, where cars seldom passed because it seemed to lead to nowhere. The park was almost always abandoned. Everyone who seemed to live in the houses nearby seemed old, too old to spend evenings on swings or going down slides. It was a secluded piece of land, a patch of grass, two swings, a bench, five or so trees with thick leaves. There was a slide too, that was once silver and caught the suns rays, making it shine and burn anyone who went down it.


The sun had began to set, the sky was painted bright red, pink, orange, and slightly purple. Alex was too busy staring at her shoe to notice the beautiful sky above her. The swing she sat on slowly moved back and forth, but her feet stayed firmly on the ground. Hours had passed, the music pulsed through her headphones making her completely unaware of the world around her.


“Hey.” A voice called from behind he

HELP! im wanting to write a story. im 16. i need advice. is this writing style/dialogue good? be harsh/mean :)
In writing, you have to avoid a stagnant plot. Everything you write should advance the story somehow. It's nice to pain pretty pictures with words, but your description o fthe park really has no relevance to the plot of the story, so you've made it stagnant during those sentences.





First, decide which bits of park scenery can be taken out (Marigold street seems pointless, maybe it can go for example). After you've trimmed it down, try to tie your imagery in with either Alex's character somehow, or with the plot of the story.





The goal is to keep the story moving forward.
Reply:that's good enough for 16 year old kiddo
Reply:good carry on but be away from fantacy
Reply:In the first paragraph, everything is very passive. You use a lot of the words "seemed" and "was" over and over again. If you rephrase your descriptions to avoid those two words, the descriptions will have more life.





The words you use in the dialogue feel real to me. They sound like things two teenagers would say to each other. The grammar, though, is a bit sketchy. I'm sourcing a good article that outlines dialogue punctuation well.





As I write, personally, I don't like to worry about these sorts of things before I get very far because they completely stifle my creative process and then I don't complete the story. I wouldn't recommend getting caught up in the smaller details if you don't have a whole, complete story yet.



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