Story! kinda long and not sure of all the spelling, tips or just comments welcome(dont be to harsh=)?

NEW HOPE





Alex McKinney sat in the passenger seat of her case workers car, Her case worker Mrs. Breaks was chattering on but Alex wasn%26#039;t listening to a thing she said, she was lost in her thoughts and trying to hide the tears that threatened to fall.


Just a month ago she had lost both her parents in a car crash, she couldn%26#039;t understand why they died and she lived “I was in the same crash” she thought “They died and I was close to dieing my self so why did I live and they didn%26#039;t!”


She had been taken to the hospital with four broken ribs, a broken wrist and a messed up leg. She was covered in deep cuts and bruises but she pulled through. She had an older brother but he couldn%26#039;t take her for a while so she had been put in the care of the state and was being placed in a foster home until her brother could take her.


The little car pulled down a quiet little road that was lined with huge leaf trees, Alex looked out at the


houses passing by and the spinning motion made the horrible seen from the crash flash before her eyes, she flinched as the sound of the painful screams from her parents, a tear slid down her face but she quickly whipped it away.


“Alex, are you listening?” came Mrs. Breaks voice, with out looking over Alex said “No, sorry I wasn%26#039;t”


Mrs. Breaker sighed loudly “I was saying you have to get over this shyness of yours if you don%26#039;t then people will think that you are just not taking interest in them and further more when we get to your new home I want you to put all your new clothes that we just bought in to your bags”


Alex, glanced in to the back seat and saw the it was piled high with shopping bags of clothes.


she felt a jolt of fear at the thought of living with complete strangers. She was very shy and found it very hard to get to know people and now she was being plunged head first in to a sea of people she didn%26#039;t know, she cried all the night before because she was so scared but there was nothing she could do so she just put on her silent blank face and went along with it.


She was trying now to stop her hands from shaking because she was so nervous but every time she would loosen up her muscles she would start shaking again.





They pulled in to a long paved driveway with a large front yard, there was a white two story house with a large front porch and porch swing. In the garage was a mine van and a blue car. The knot in Alex%26#039; stomach tightened making her feel sick. She looked in the mirror that was on the visor, her once long raven black hair was now boy short because it had to be cut after the accident and there was a deep scratch from her right eye down to her chin and around it was a yellowish bruise. Her deep dark eyes were red around the rim from crying and her normally cheery skin was snow white.


Mrs. Breaks gasped in excitement “We are here, isn%26#039;t it a lovely house?”


Alex didn%26#039;t answer she just got out and went to the back and started shoving her new clothes and shoes in to her bags, careful not to put to much pressure on her cast that was on her broken wrist. Her leg was still hurt pretty bad but she was lucky that it wasn%26#039;t broken, but it had a knee brace that made her limped.


Mrs. Breaks got out and went up to the house, she came back with a man and a woman, the man was middle weight and middle high, he had laughing blue eyes and a pleasant smile with a loud booming voice. The woman was slim with pretty dark hair and eyes, she had a quiet voice and a gentle smile.


“Alex, these are the Forester%26#039;s”


The man put out his hand and said with a smile “Just call me Ben” Alex, lightly shook his hand “And this is my wife Jasmin” She smiled at Alex.


“Lets let her get her things put in order” said Mrs. Breaker leading the two away.


Alex, watched them leave then got back to what she was doing, a few minutes later some one leaned up against the car door, Alex looked up and saw it was a girl with golden blond hair and lovely green eyes, she had a nice tan with a wonderful smile “Hi, I%26#039;m Beth Danes”


“Alex McKinney” mumbled Alex, she finished with her bags and pulled them out of the car, she didn%26#039;t expect them to be so heavy, she stumbled a bit and Beth reached out to take the bag from the casted hand, Alex shied back not wanting Beth to touch her. After her parents died she was afraid that every thing would hurt her so she avoided contact as much as she could. Beth looked startled for a second but then she smiled “Let me help you” She took the bag and led Alex to the house.


In the house Alex saw that they had a large living room with two couches and a recliner with a coffee table in front of the couch and a large screen TV in the corner, there was a short hallway that led in to the kitchen and a stair case that led to the second floor.


On the couch was a boy about Alex%26#039; age and another girl sitting in the recliner.


Ben smiled at her when he came out of a room next to the front door, on the door was a sign that said %26#039;Office, ask permission before entering%26#039;. Mrs. Breaker handed a file to him then stood in front of Alex “I have to go now but I will be back in a week to check up on you”


Alex shook her head, her hands had started shaking again and she was getting a painful head ache.


Mrs. Breaker gave her a smile then left, Ben cleared his throat to get her attention “Come and meet the others”


Beth sat down by the boy and the other girl leaned forward “I%26#039;m Trish Dugs and the way things work here is like this, we tall why we are here and our goals then you tell us about you” Ben tried to break in but she went on “I%26#039;m here because my parents couldn%26#039;t handle me and my goal is to get out of here, over there is Beth and she got taken away from her parents and her goal is to not be such a goody goody” Before she could speak for the boy he spoke up “I%26#039;m Gabe and I%26#039;m here because my parents run this home and my goal is to get that new car I want for Christmas”


Beth giggled and Trish looked at Gabe with bug eyes. Trish had curly brown hair and dull blue, she had a tan that was to dark for her and a mocking smile, her white and blue stripped Tee was to tight for her and so were her faded jeans.


Alex saw that Gabe was taller then her with brown hair naturally streaked with blond high lights, he had a slight tan and looked like he worked out a little, he had a handsome smile with mischievous green eyes.


There was silence and every eye was on her, she hoped that her face wasn%26#039;t as red as it seemed “Well, aren%26#039;t you going to tell us why you are here?” Said Trish sharply, Alex turned her dark now angry eyes on Trish “No I%26#039;m not”


Trish stood up and looked at Alex tauntingly “We all told you why we were here so I think its only fair that you tell us”


Alex smiled slightly “So far the only voice I have heard has been yours”


Trish%26#039;s face turned red and she was about to say something but Ben broke in “she doesn%26#039;t have to tell if she doesn%26#039;t want to, Beth would you show her to her room please”


“sure” said Beth, she got up and grabbed one of the bags and led the way up the stares, they passed a bathroom and three other rooms then came to one at the end of the hall “This one will be yours, mine and Trish%26#039;s are on the other side and Gabe%26#039;s is right next to yours. Oh and by the way I%26#039;m 16 Gabe is 17 and Trish is almost 17”


Beth opened the door and Alex walked in. It was a nice room with only a bed and a dresser in it, there was an open window that looked out on to the front yard. Beth put the bag by the bed and sat down “How old are you?”


“I%26#039;m. . .I%26#039;m 16” Alex, said in a detracted voice, there was an awkward silence, then Beth got up and said “Dinner will be soon” she then left.


After the door was closed and she was along Alex sat on the bed and just shook, all her nervousness and fright seemed to make her shake all the harder. After a while she got a hold of her self and started to slowly put her clothes and things in to the dresser, there was a closet that she put all her jackets and shoes in. At the bottom of her bag she found the large yellow envelope that held her parents things from the crash, she looked at it for a minute then put the bag in the back of the closet leaving the envelope in it. She put all her things away and after a while there was a light knock on her door and Beth poked her head in “Dinner is ready”


Alex sat down on the bed facing the wall “I%26#039;m not hungry”


Beth shrugged “You got to eat...its the rules” Alex looked over her shoulder at Beth then turned away “Like I said, no thank you I%26#039;m not hungry”





After Beth left , Alex, went and sat with her back against the door, she knew that there would be another knock .


“Alex, its me Ben” Her head shot up and smacked in to the door. Her room was dark now and her knees stiff, she was scared for a minute because she didn%26#039;t know what was going on but then she realized she had fallen asleep “Do you need anything?” he asked.


She didn%26#039;t answer, she grabbed her pajama shorts and top and slipped in to them. She heard Ben walk away, then she got in to bed and slowly and miserably fell asleep.

Story! kinda long and not sure of all the spelling, tips or just comments welcome(dont be to harsh=)?
I think the focus should still remain on Alex but also give supporting information/details about the surrounding characters within the home; talk about them and how they really feel about her being there and etc.
Reply:i think that u should make it more to the point and add more descriptive parts. very good plot but it still needs some work. xx
Reply:I just love it, it%26#039;s a little bit long though. But it%26#039;s really good! Is this you%26#039;re first time? because it doesn%26#039;t look like it. Keep writing



neutral skin tone