Can some one help me by proof reading my paper?

Here it is... Tell me what you think, or what you think i need to change... Any help would be awsome :)





In the purest form of young love, a child was brought into the world. Love is a precious thing. The young soon-to-be father thought he would spend the rest of his life with this woman, and he deeply loved her. Consequently though, the pregnant mother had a change of heart in her first trimester. The mother was happy with just the thought of being a mom, and confessed to him that she just used him to help make a baby. The father was devastated as she left. The young woman’s whole family wondered what was wrong with her. Why she would walk away, much less throw love away, from such a wonderful man. In that one instant she changed the life of her unborn daughter in ways that took years to repair.


Holly’s mother gave her everything she could ever need or even want. Her room was filled with Barbie dolls and warm blankets. She was her mothers pride and joy. She felt as though she was safe and secure. The first ten years of her life were filled with overflowing birthdays and stocked Christmas trees. The young woman loved having “her” baby. This child was hers and hers alone.


In a strange twist of events things started to change in a dramatic way. It seemed as though Holly’s mom couldn’t “baby” her daughter anymore so she was done. Her mom was done in almost every aspect of being a mother. There were late night parties at the house, and the house was always a mess. Holly started to see the change and it made her reconsider her sense of security. She felt as though she was isolated and disconnected from everyone else. She had an older sister but her sister didn’t live there she lived with another relative. There were no bedtime stories or even nightly baths anymore. She felt as though she was plucked out of her life and thrown into another.


Holly’s mom came to her for a talk. Her words were cold when she told Holly she needed to prepare herself to meet her father. Holly was confused she never even knew what it was like to have a man in her life, much less a father. She questioned what she did wrong to make her mom act this way toward her. She did like the idea of getting to know the faceless man. However, she did wonder if her mom just wanted a way to get rid of her.


Her mom contacted the father and told him that he was allowed to see his child now. He was over overjoyed and didn’t know how to take the news. He was completely beside himself. After all these years hunting and looking for his daughter, one phone call gave him hope he hadn’t felt in years. Arrangements were made for Holly to go meet her dad for the very first time.


She was taken to her grandmother’s house, her dad’s mom. She didn’t know all of the people that were around her. The room was filled with aunts, uncles and cousins that were ecstatic to finally have her home.


Her dad raced to get off of work, knowing his little girl should be waiting at his mother’s house. He walked into the door; anxious feelings pulsed through his veins. He saw her. Instantly he reached out for her and pulled her so close. He didn’t want to let go; he finally had her. He kissed her on her forehead and they stared at each other in amazement.


Holly was almost intimidated by the thought of comfort. Comfort around him or around anyone else for that matter. It took a few months of her dads persistence, warm love and affectionate speech before holly felt like she finally had a dad.


Back at home with her mom; things were going from bad to worse. Her mom had another daughter. She was completely replaced by the next baby. Holly talked to her older sister Heather. They conversed about how Heather went through the same thing when Holly was born.


Holly hit puberty and there was another big challenge around the corner. She talked to her Aunt about the changes she was going through. Her aunt didn’t think things were lining up so they made a trip to the doctor. Her mom didn’t go to the doctors appointment, she thought it was an over reaction.


The doctor said her blood pressure was strange and gave her some medication to take. He ordered some more tests to find out what was going on with her.


Holly soon notices little dark hairs growing on her face. The other girls at school didn’t have this! She started to feel out of place; quite abnormal.


Holly talked to her aunt about the hair and they revisited the doctor. The doctor ran some tests and diagnosed her with POSD (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Soon she found out that facial hair and blood pressure were side effects. The doctor gave her large doses of Estrogen. They had to counter act the large amounts of testosterone her body was producing.


Holly’s mother started to act as though Holly was a stone in her shoe. All Holly wanted was support from her mom; support she knew she could get from her dad if she lived with him. Although, her mom wouldn’t let Holly live with her dad.


Holly loved to go see her dad. He lived quite far away. He offered her as much support as he could physically give. However, there was no way her dad could give her enough positive reinforcement to counterbalance the negativity she felt at home.


She just couldn’t take it anymore. She wanted out of this life. She had facial hair and felt as though she looked like a man. There was no support other then the spurts of support from her aunt, dad and grandma. She was tired of being a burden to her mom and to everyone else around her. At least that’s how she felt anyway.


Holly washed and dried her sheets. And neatly put them back on her bed. At fifteen years old she was used to doing for herself. She took a long hot shower and shaved her legs. She wanted everything to be perfect and clean. She went into the kitchen and took her whole bottle of blood pressure pills. Holly wanted to die and be taken out of this life she called hell. She lay down in her bed and tried to go to sleep. Shortly after she felt sharp pains surge threw her stomach. She violently threw up the pills and her dinner of “Oodles of Noodles.” She was so disappointed that her plan didn’t work.


A few days later the whole family was came together for thanksgiving. Heather, her older sister, offered to take Holly to the store with her. It was a rainy November evening. Holly confided in her sister, and told her about all of her. She finally told her sister about trying to kill herself. Instantly her sister slammed the breaks.


“Why didn’t you call me? I could have helped you”! Her sister mournfully screamed.


Within minutes they were back at there grandma’s house and the cat was out of the bag.


Cops showed up with paramedics to take Holly to the hospital. They knew she was suicidal. The doctors had her spend 2 out of the next 3 months in the hospital. The doctors worked to get to the root of the problem. They found out Holly had a severe case of ADD also. They scheduled appointments for her to go to a therapist and to get electrolysis done on her face. The medical team really pulled together to help her.


Her whole family didn’t know she was going threw this entire emotional trauma. They all stood up and tried to help her threw it, everyone but her mom. Her grandma let her move in, and things started to get better. Holly felt safe with her grandma. Moreover, Holly finally had the medication she needed, with emotional support. She had more contact with her dad also. Her dad did everything in his power to help her, even though he was over 200 miles away. He called more just to let her know how special she was.


She graduated from high school and found support from others in her Christian youth group. Holly found her own apartment and started college. She will always suffer from ADD and PSOD and still has obstacles to face. She hopes medication will get better, and she can control her symptoms more efficiently. Also, she is used to challenges, and pools her strength. Although looking back on it she wouldn’t change anything. Things were extremely difficult but it made her who she is today.


Thank god, Hollys mom gave up her control. If it wasn’t for that, Holly would have never met her dad. Consequently, I would have never known my sister and one of my best friends.

Can some one help me by proof reading my paper?
ya i can help u just tell me it
Reply:omg i like the story...it was really good......good job....i didnt find anything wrong wiht it...good job
Reply:You need to decide if you are telling the story in the first or third person.





I can%26#039;t proof the paper without having it in a Word doc, but watch your possessive/plural use. If you want, you can email it to me.





This really is a wonderful story, but despite the emotional nature of it, it feels a bit dry. I wonder if you tell the story in first person, might it be more personal? In order to make the story great, you need to find a way to inject more feeling to evoke more of a response from your reader.
Reply:you do not need to change anything or delete aanything because this is a good story and nothing is wrong. just add lots of happyness.



tanning